A TIME TO BE TORN

A Time to Be Torn

"God...it's just NOT FAIR!"

The moment the speaker said the words, my heart leapt. Someone else--another Christian, and one who speaks at women's conferences like these, no less--spoke the words my own heart had been whispering for eleven long months. Yes, whispering, and other words like them. "How come other people's children who are drug dealers and thieves live to marry, often several times, and give their parents grandbabies, while my loving eighteen year old daughter died at the brink of her adult life!?" As a woman of faith, I hushed the angry accusations hissing in my ear. What kind of woman would think such thoughts? Why, the implication is that God should provide for, protect, and ultimately love my daughter more than many others. Could any Christian woman be so jealous of God's favors and still be worthy of Christ's name? Still, the whispers continued.

Until tonight.

Tonight the conference speaker amplified those whispers into an arena of 12,000 attending women, and as she did, that inner voice shouted, "YES! That is what I've been saying all along! Yes! It's not fair, God! My girls and I have lived good lives, serving and loving You, and You let this happen to us? It's not fair!"

Tonight the whispers became a roar. "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" Pain rips the stitches at the seam of my faith tonight.

I await His mending.

Previous Journal Entry